you never know how much your life can change…

I know there are a few of you out there wondering where I’ve been and why I haven’t been posting…so just in case you haven’t heard…here’s a short re-cap of my life from the last couple of weeks. 

You know Zach, right?

(This photo was taken on June 4th, right after his freezing cold back yard slip & slide adventure.)

He’s our super busy, never sit down, always on-the-go, soccer playing, trampoline jumping, bike and scooter riding, happy-go-lucky, sweet 5-year-old little boy. 

I don’t really know how to begin to retell our little story, so here’s a snippet from an e-mail I sent to a friend yesterday:

We are home and doing really well.  If you were here looking at Zach, you would NEVER guess anything was (or has been) ever wrong with him.  He looks 100% normal and acts the same as he did before.  He had two strokes on Thursday night (June 9th).  We didn't know until Friday night what had happened.  He had fallen asleep early on Thursday, which I didn't think anything of since the kids had been playing hard outside in the sunshine all day...but then I couldn't get him to wake up on Friday.  He would kind of  wake up...but was really really groggy, his words were slurred, and he couldn't really stand or walk without help.  I honestly thought maybe he'd hit his head and had a concussion, so I called our pediatrician.  They made an appointment, but then called right back and said to bring him in immediately.  From there we were sent straight to our local ER...and then Zach was taken by ambulance to Primary Children's Hospital. 

We waited for what felt like an eternity in the ER at PCMC…not a fun place for any parent to be – especially with a little child who won’t/can’t wake up.  He had an MRI about midnight and we found out about the strokes around 2:00 am.    We also found out that he has had a stroke previously - about a year ago - we're pretty sure we know when it was now...we were at the lake one evening and he started walking/leaning sideways and couldn't walk straight.  But it only lasted for a few minutes, so we dismissed it as maybe being dehydrated since we were out in the sun at the lake all afternoon.  Needless to say it was a long long night - followed by several VERY long days.  He had a ton of tests and everything kept coming back normal, so they couldn't determine what had caused his strokes.  Spinal tap, multiple blood tests, ultrasounds of his heart, and plenty of other tests.  They did an angiogram on Monday where they discovered that the arteries and veins in his head aren't formed correctly.  They are way too small...so his body has been trying to compensate by creating hundreds of little tiny blood vessels to send oxygen to the parts of his brain that weren't getting enough.  It's amazing how the body tries to heal itself (the neurologist said it's been going on for years, and since he is only 5, it sounds like it has been happening for most of his life)...and we had NO idea anything was wrong.  He is our MOST active, coordinated kid of all of our kids at age 5.  He is smart and right on level where he should be for learning.  It's crazy. 

Zach was so amazing in the hospital.  We spent a couple of days in the PICU – and when Brad and I could barely hold it together, Zach was being strong and brave.  He was poked and prodded and tested and he didn’t complain once.  Once he was awake and responsive, he was talkative and happy and cute with the doctors and nurses.  He answered their questions (and asked several of his own).  The doctors and nurses were amazing.  Angels.  Honestly.  There was one nurse who asked Zach if they could still be friends after she had to have the IV team come and start a new IV for him.  He replied, “Yes, we can still be friends.  But I live in Heber.  Heber City.  That’s pretty far from here.  So when you come visit, you should bring food.  Or at least a drink.”  It was so funny how he took everything in stride.  Even when they were starting new IV’s he barely whimpered when he was being poked.  And he loved ordering his own meals (whatever and whenever he wanted).  When he could finally eat again, he was all about the macaroni and cheese and watermelon.  He drank gallons of gatorade too (gatorade and water are his new best friends and he will be carrying it with him every moment of every day all summer long).

At this point, there's not a lot they can do for him.  There's no magic pill (unfortunately) and no surgery to "fix it."  He will take baby aspirin every day and we need to make sure he is always VERY hydrated...dehydration could easily cause another stroke.  Other than that...we will watch him closely and pray a lot.  We're just grateful that his stroke doesn't seem to have caused any permanent physical damage.  His face was droopy on one side and his body was weak on the other side...but that seems to have all gone away.

Right now I feel like I'm coming out of a fog -- both from the physical/emotional exhaustion and just knowing what we know now and how it will affect his future.  Brad and I both feel like he will be okay.  Even at the scariest times, we both had a feeling of peace and knowledge that he would be okay.  Zach was given a priesthood blessing which comforted and reassured us as well.  We don’t know what the future holds – beyond lots of follow-up, tests, and perhaps over-protective parenting…but we are grateful for those moments of peace and reassurance we felt while we were sitting at his bedside, frightened and completely overwhelmed with worry.

We are so grateful for family and friends who have helped us out over the last several days…we’ve received so many phone calls, texts, e-mail messages, and even visits – it’s overwhelming when I think about how many people have been concerned and worried for us.  There have been so many people praying for Zach and our family.  There’s no way we can truly thank you all for all you have done.  Perhaps the best way is to remind everyone of how precious life is.  We never know how our lives can change in a matter of moments.  Hug your kids.  Give them your time and attention and love.  Don’t wait for a scary emergency to take a good look at your priorities. 

I’m taking this week to recharge…I haven't started "working" yet...I need to let the dust settle a bit more before I can put any energy or focus into that – I’m not quite ready to be creative again…but I will say that this has also been a reminder about how important it is to me to record our stories – and I choose to do that through scrapbooking, so I’ll be back soon – creating more pages and photos and sharing the moments, stories, and feelings that make my life what it is...the good and the bad and the scary too.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers as well as your patience and understanding while I transition back into my (new) "real life." :)